That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
