I molested 6 butterflies tonight
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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