I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
