i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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