i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
