Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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