we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
