WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
