finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
