Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
