a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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