she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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