I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
