Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
