I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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