party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
