I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My dick has a subreddit
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
