this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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