how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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