ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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