you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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