my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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