Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
