So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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