oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
