is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
