The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
