Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
