I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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