areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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