do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
