it hurts more in the daytime
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
