The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
