Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
