somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
