I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
