I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
