I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
that's an acceptable place to lick
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
