How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
