from now on my penis is your penis
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
