i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
