Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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