Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
