Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
So squirting runs in the family.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
