ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
