i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i think my mom watched the whole time
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
