just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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