Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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