no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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