therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
