Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
