He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I skipped work to stalk him.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
