i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
All the doctor said was why
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
