I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
